I’m starting to think that blogging isn’t my cup of tea.

Recently, I entered a short piece in a local zine. In the entry details, they suggested adding links to your site/s. Sure, why not? Well, maybe the fact that my last post was 4 years ago might be a good reason to not promote myself too widely.

Anyway, I’m back, again. No promises this time. I’m a lazy blogger, but only because I’m busy with so many other things. When I finally worked out how to get back into this site, I found an unpublished post from 2020. It’s published now. Better late than never.

So much has happened since my last post from 2020. My health is better than it was, but I’m now dealing with emphysema because guess what? I didn’t quit smoking. Self-inflicted so I’m not going to complain.

I ended up pulling out of the Visual Arts course because they couldn’t convert it to a sustainable online environment, and by the time we were allowed back into the classroom, everyone’s tempers were so frayed I just lost interest. But it was fun, and I learned a lot, the most important thing being that I need creativity in my daily life.

The following year I enrolled in university to do a Dip Art – English major because why not? It was offered to me for free because I have been a part of a Dementia Research study for the past five years. They’re trying to determine if keeping our brains active reduces the risk of dementia. The first two years were great, even though I did fail one unit and had to apply for remission because my health packed it in mid-semester. I also discovered I have ADHD on top of autism, so that explains A LOT! This should have been the beginning of my third year (part-time, so two more years to go), but I pulled out last month. Sometimes, what we want, and what we can do, don’t always agree. There’s been a lot of family stuff going on, a new job, and combined with health issues, my stress levels were getting way too high. So, I had to reassess my priorities, and unfortunately, uni was the only thing I was willing to let go of. I’ll go back one day, maybe, if it’s what I really want, but for now I’m okay with my decision.

You would think that giving up uni would mean I’d suddenly have a lot of free time. You would be wrong lol. I’ve been busier than ever and what I have realised, is that I was constantly putting important things on the to-do list because of uni deadlines. Now that is no longer the case, I’m finally getting those things done.

One of those things is trying to decide why I started this blog and what I want to say if anything. Honestly, I’m not all that interested in writing about all my crappy life experiences, nor do I think it would be of benefit to anyone. I’m a little tired of the mental health recovery journey. Being a lived experience speaker for a few years put that one to bed for me and while it was empowering and useful and definitely a space that needs to keep being talked about, I don’t have the energy for it right now.

One idea I have played with is whether to document my journey as a blocked/emerging artist. I know that when I first admitted to myself how much I need creativity in my life, I felt a huge wave of grief for all the lost years, and I honestly wondered if it was too late to start.

I’ll think about that one and get back to you. Hopefully before 2027 😀

Namaste

Raven

A.L.A.S