Day 193 Saturday 1st November
Have had a lovely weekend so far. Enjoying time out with Karen; whale sightings, sleep ins, movies, dinner and to top it off…. wind chill factor has dropped the temp to feels like 0.5 degrees, so we get to light the fire again. Feeling the love.
Home after a fantastic afternoon as part of our long weekend of celebrations for our 5th month anniversary. Annie and I went to the movies to see Pride and then dinner at The Mallee Grill for dinner before coming home to light the fire. It’s snowing in NW Tassie tonight. Enjoying a fantastic Saturday afternoon and evening with Annie on our fifth month anniversary. Firstly we went and seen Pride at the movies and them dinner at The Mallee Grill. Thanks for a great time babe.
Day 194 Sunday 2nd November
Grateful for a lovely day of relaxation, soppy movies, chocolate, afternoon naps and a warm fire.
Day 195 Monday 3rd November.
Have finished off a lovely long weekend with walks through the Hellyer Gorge and Lake Dove, then home to a bbq with family. Feeling the love
Day 196 Tuesday 4th November
Today I am grateful for my personal brand of craziness.
“To say that a writer’s hold on reality is tenuous is an understatement – it’s like saying the Titanic had a rough crossing. Writers build their own realities, move into them and occasionally send letters home. The only difference between a writer and a crazy person is that a writer gets paid for it”. ~David Gerrold
Day 197 Wednesday 5th November
The North West LGBTI Family and Friends Community Group have a few events coming up; why not come along and support us and meet some great people, make new friends and take some time out for yourself.
Feeling grateful that I managed to achieve so much work today
Day 198 Thursday 6th November
Grateful for an excellent gardening day. On top of weeding I managed to thin out the beetroot and we now have 3 times as many plants. Also scored a miniature rose as a trade off for pots so feeling pretty happy with that.
Day 199 Friday 7th November
Feeling very grateful for an extremely productive day, the start of something new, the beginning of another weekend with my gorgeous girl and very excited about performing with QTas choir tomorrow night for Tas Pride.
Day 200 Saturday 8th November
Wow! The performance last night went amazingly well. Full house and everyone seemed to enjoy it. The choir did an amazing job and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Huge thanks to Helen for being an amazing woman/director/friend, to Deb and Iona for encouraging me to stay connected with the choir even though I only made it to Hobart for two rehearsals, and to all the new and old friends who made last night such a wonderful memory.
Day 201 Sunday 9th November
Coming down from a massive high; my body aches from being on my feet all night and I’m feeling slightly depressed about not being able to perform in Hobart next Saturday. However, I am extremely grateful for the opportunity to perform with The QTas Choir. It’s been 20 years since I last sung in a public choir performance at Martin Plaza and I’ve missed it more than I realised. Mrs Harvey would be proud lol.
Day 202 Monday 10th November
Right now I’m grateful for my bed. Good night world xx
Kylie Beautiful! that’s put a smile on face this morning
Karen Thanks Kylie, we were down at Launceston for the weekend for TasPride and Annie singing in the QTas Choir
Amanda Two colourful and wonderful people. love it……
Karen Thanks Amanda
Amanda You both are always smiling. So nice to see happy people xxx
Karen Annie and I are very much in love so it’s so very easy to be happy and smiling and not even realise we are doing it
Annie We are indeed
Amanda Thanks for sharing your pic’s. As always you always bring a smile to my face. Keep on smiling …….
Day 203 Tuesday 11th November
Lest We Forget
Thank you dad. You’ll always be a legend to me.
Day 204 Wednesday 12th November
Crazy day organising everything for Sunday. Feeling very grateful that my girl is cooking tea for me. Thank you babe.
I’m doing a radio interview for ABC Hobart at 3.20 pm today. Tune in to hear me stumble.
Day 205 Thursday 13th November
Wow! Busy day getting ready for our community BBQ on Sunday. Nearly organised. Grateful that I’m getting to bed before 10pm because I’m exhausted lol
Day 206 Friday 14th November
Another busy day getting everything finalised for Sunday but it’s all coming together nicely so fingers crossed, prayers for good weather and hopefully we’ll have a great day. Getting nervous now as I’m about to meet the parents for the first time; I’m sure it will all go well
Feeling grateful for a productive day, double, double dare coffees and Berocca.
Craig Hey Annie, I hope it goes well!
Katrina Best of luck! Thoughts are with you!
Wendy You’ll be fine – just put on a pretty little floral frock and some high heels and say lot of yes pleases and no thank yous
Leanne Oh Annie, they’re gonna love ya -stop stressing. X
Annie Lol they’re lovely
Karen Indeed all went fine as I knew it would. Annie, you are the love of my life, you make me happy beyond measure and who wouldn’t love you once they meet you
Day 207 Saturday 15th November
Finally all sorted for the TasPride BBQ tomorrow.
Karen and I haven’t stopped all day. A huge thank you to Sam for all his help today too. See you tomorrow everyone.
Day 208 Sunday 16th November
Extremely grateful for all the wonderful people who made today such an amazing event. Love my life xxoo
Wow! What a day Our first TasPride event went off really well. We had about 50 people including adults, children and interstate visitors and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves if the photos are anything to go by. Photos are already rolling in and we are expecting more to arrive via email over the next few days so keep coming back to check them out.
A HUGE thank you to Karen for all her support and hard work this week. I really couldn’t have pulled it off without you babe. I also want to extend a massive thankyou to all the volunteers who helped out today. The day was a success thanks to your efforts. Every little bit helped and by working together we all managed to have fun, meet new people and achieve a fantastic result. I’m really proud of what we have all achieved today.
I would also like to say thank you to Rainbow Communities for funding this event, Relationships Australia for their support and Sharon, who provided us with much needed equipment and moral support as well as being the instigator for this event in the first place. A round of applause to two of our local scout leaders who came through at the eleventh hour with tables, a food tent and an extra bbq and to Beck’s Hardware in Ulverstone for supplying us with a 25 litre water container. For some reason the council decided not to install any water taps in Anzac Park???????
We have also gained some interest from people wanting to join the Community Group to help out with future events which is brilliant!!!!!
On a personal note, I would just like to add that I feel these sort of events are very important. Far too many people within the community are isolated; whether it be through fear, shyness, transport or just not having the opportunity to meet others who they can be themselves around. I love my Rainbow family and am extraordinarily happy knowing that I am surrounded by people who accept me for who I am and who trust me enough to be themselves around me. Love to you all. Hope to see you soon xx Annie
Day 209 Monday 17th November
Reminding myself to be grateful.
Day 210 Tuesday 18th November
I am who I am, for better or worse. Feeling grateful for the people in my life who love me xxoo
Day 211 Wednesday 19th November
Feeling grateful for a lovely day out with my girl and her parents. We revisited Dip Falls, the site of our engagement and this time there was less water so we got to see the amazing basalt columns. More photos to come soon xxoo
— with Karen at Dip Falls.
Extra: To write is to heal.
Day 212 Thursday 20th November
30 years ago today I put my first poem to paper with the intention of saving it for the future. Although not the first one I wrote, it is the first one I kept. Today I am grateful for the friends from that time, but particularly the friends who are still with me today.
Carolyn Beautiful thanks honey !!
I was good at school I think, Just a little dramatic !! Things have really not changed we learnt to be friends what ever our diversity bought !
CarolAnn It is a wonderful poem Annie.
Narelle yeahhhhh I’m number 1 … I’m number 1 !! Boys !!! more boys !!! … uummmmm OKAAAYY lol
Narelle the poor dear was very confused …. obviously
Moz So many friends who’ve still got your back all these years later
Annie Lol well given that all any of you talked about was boys it’s no wonder I was confused
Karen So glad you got to share this with us all babe And indeed confused and just trying to fit in?
Louise Hey whoh .. I did not talk about boys at all just saying xxx
Great poem thanks for sharing & tagging me Annie xxx
Helen Love it xxxx
Annie Well no, not everyone talked about boys
Kelly Excuse me. How GORGEOUS IS THAT? One for the POOL ROOM!
Donna Marilyn, yuch LOL XXX
Anna-Maria Gorgeous x
Maria Thanks so much beautiful Annie, miss you heaps…can’t wait for our next catch up xxx
Gisele Who’s English class were you in?? You must have been paying attention cos that’s GOOD….!!!
Annie Lol I can’t remember her name but she was gorgeous and I had a huge crush on her
Gisele Well. It wasn’t Miss Shilland. If she was gorgeous maybe that’s why you did so well.
Moz Mrs Whitfield?
Annie That’s the one. Thanks Moz
Carolyn Yes she was a beautiful lady Mrs Whitfield and very kind .
Gisele I saw her recently.
Jewels Gualdi x
Sam Ahhh Amanda Whitfield. I had history with her . Mrs Shilland was my fav but I did have a soft spot for Amanda! xoxoxoxoxo to you my friend!!
Annie Really? Sam, what sort of history lol. PM PLEASE if it’s juicy
Sam She taught me history you bloody pervert!! LMAO!!!!!!!
Annie Lmao. You can see what I thought of her lol Sam
Gisele Gorgeous Anni. How cool that you kept this. Mrs Whitfield was my favourite too. I still remember when she put the condom on the banana. Anyone else remember that?
Annie No lol
Moz Sam – I had her for history too, what I remember is that she couldn’t pronounce Vietmanese or Specific – was always an audible chortle everytime she said either of them.
Narelle Chortle?! who the fck are you?
Moz someone who paid attention in English
Narelle what century?
Moz Just go back to reading your Petals in The Wind miss-stuck-in-the-80’s
Narelle such a hater
Annie Oi you two. Stop bickering on my feed
Narelle yes Mam
Moz DOH…… Ok….. Looking forward to face to face combat next week Maguire
Sam God they are at it again!! Never bloody stop those two!!
Julie And me, I held some part, I think? good or bad I cant remember, but I was their. Bloody PTSD
Annie Sorry Julie. I went through my contacts list but it’s pretty long and I was sure I had missed a few people
Nikki Age shall not weary us and we are still friends…. Some things in life are just meant to be. Here’s to you Annie and the joy you still bring to us x lol that poem is gold x
Day 213 Friday 21st November
Grateful I remembered to post before midnight.
Vanessa Lol that’s the way cuz, love you x
Annie So I’ve been told that this post doesn’t really count lol so I’m adding that I was also very grateful that two days of cleaning carpets is over. Thank you babe xx
Day 214 Saturday 22nd November
Looking forward to a pre-birthday dinner for my gorgeous girl. Today I am grateful for songbirds, love and family.
Day 215 Sunday 23rd November
Am grateful for an amazing day with my girl celebrating her birthday. Fantastic lunch with the parents and now about to have dinner with Jessica, Matthew and Beth
Day 216 Monday 24th November
Wow! What a weekend. Have had a lovely time celebrating Karen’s birthday, catching up with Jessica, Beth and Matt, checking out the best map shop in Hobart and……
getting an all clear result from my neurologist. No conclusive evidence of MS so I have a reprieve for another year
Feeling very grateful for a chance to get my health back on track.
Phoebe Adams – Graduate Art Exhibition – Inspired by the story of Sharon Jones.
Day 217 Tuesday 25th November
Firstly I want to say how grateful I am that I have a partner who listens without judgement and loves me unconditionally. Thank you baby for holding me up when I’m struggling to stay on my feet.
Secondly, I’d like to say thank you to the organisers of tonight’s Breaking the Code of Silence forum.
What an inspiring evening. I’m very grateful I decided to go along. The stories shared were heartfelt and beautiful. If you’re interested in doing the Cores Australia training they are holding a free one day course tomorrow at the fire station in Lovett St Ulverstone and as of 9pm I believe there were still a few places left. 9-4, bring your lunch. Emily can be contacted on the number below. I highly recommend it, have done it before and am going back for a refresher tomorrow xx
Karen Baby, you are holding yourself up, I am just hugging you to show you how much I love and support you. We will get through this as our journey together has only just started. Opportunities will emerge and together we will take them on.
Day 218 Wednesday 26th November
It’s been a long day but very grateful for the opportunity to revisit the skills I acquired from this program last time. If you get a chance I highly recommend doing it. Thanks to Cores Australia once again for an enlightening and rewarding experience.
Day 219 Thursday 27th November
30 Days of Music: A Writing Challenge
Day 1: We Felt The Fall – Lemolo
“It was lifelike, It was over me, It was so loud, It was so heavy”. © Lemolo
Risby Street – 1996
It’s quiet now, the babies are sleeping. I sit in front of the fire, mesmerised by the flames. I sit in front of the fire; rocking, crying and trying desperately to hold myself together.
This demon inside mocks me. Stupid woman, useless, weak, gutless. You don’t deserve to be a mother, you don’t deserve to be alive, they would be better off without you.
Crying, breaking, shattered; I listen to this voice and believe it to be true.
I wander through the days like a zombie; tired, frustrated, lonely. Pacing the corridors, feeding and consoling, singing, cleaning, washing. Oh God, so much washing, it never ends. The house is a mess, the bills go unpaid, toys everywhere and a week’s worth of dishes in the sink.
Crying; I’m crying, they’re crying, the whole house is crying.
The flames flicker, the heat consumes my pain for a moment. Silently I rock, remnants of tears rolling down my face. I consider my options, I make my plans, I think of the consequences.
They are loved, beautiful souls. Surely they will be alright without me? Where would they go? Dad; mine, theirs, mum, my sister, my brother?
They would be separated.
I can’t let that happen.
If nothing else I have to keep them together. I know what it’s like to be separated from your siblings, to be away from your parents, to be alone in a strange home, surrounded by strange people, strange things, don’t touch, don’t laugh, don’t make a noise, don’t be seen, don’t exist because we didn’t ask for this. We didn’t want to look after someone else’s baby.
No, if nothing else we have to stay together.
Plans laid to rest, quietly placed on the shelf, maybe when they are grown, maybe by then the pain will be gone?
Someone wakes, padding footsteps, arms around my neck, sleepy, hungry and needy. I pull this precious soul onto my lap, enveloped in my love.
I love you
I have always loved you
I will always love you
Is that enough?
It has to be because right now that is all I have to give you.
I am weak, I am broken, I am tired, I am lonely and alone, I have no energy to do anything anymore except love you. I ignore the dishes, the mess and the chaos that surrounds me.
We walk outside to a bright morning, birds whispering and a soft wind blowing. I hold you in my arms and I sing. I sing away the pain, the hurt, the loss. I sing away the fear, the anxiety and the hopelessness.
I sing away all the things that hurt us and I make a promise.
I may not be able to give you the world, but I will always give you my love, I will stay here and learn to carry this pain and I will keep you together.
Because in the end, all that really matters is that I loved you.
© Annie Whitehead 2014
“You’re not stuck in it, You’re not stuck in it, This right world is it, You’re not stuck in it”. © Lemolo
Day 220 Friday 28th November
Feeling very grateful for a constructive day in the garden, a rescue gone well, (so far) and not having to stress about uni results for another 18 months.
Day 221 Saturday 29th November
Today I am grateful for friends who help out at a moment’s notice, dinner with my daddy, and a wonderful, noisy, fun-filled morning with my beautiful lady xx
Day 222 Sunday 30th November
Have had a lovely day today, out for lunch with Karen for our 6 month anniversary, Reuben James is doing well although not overly impressed with his cage lol and preparing to have dinner with Beth and Matt.
Love my family and grateful for all the love surrounding me.