3. June 2014

Day 40 Sunday 1st June 

Feeling grateful for posts like these xxoo

1_June

Day 41 Monday 2nd June

What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

I’m a great believer in inspirational quotes; the wisdom of others has often helped me to overcome a lot of my struggles in life. What never ceases to amaze me though is how often I read a quote that has an immediate and profound impact on my life and how quickly I forget the lesson when faced with the next obstacle. I know some lessons take a lifetime to learn, particularly if we refuse to remember the progress we have made in the past and keep making the same mistakes.
Today I am faced with this fact;

‘nothing worth having is achieved without effort’,

‘I miss 100% of the shots I don’t take’

and I have no right ‘to be upset with the results I didn’t get, with the work I didn’t do’.

Tomorrow I have to hand in an assignment that is worth 25% of my overall grade. I haven’t done the work I should, I have procrastinated, I have not managed my time well, I have let other interests, (friends, novels, IPhone games) impact my study, and yes I have had the usual health problems to deal with too but I always have that so I know that I need to factor that in. The truth is I have let myself down and I have no-one to blame but myself.
So why do I do this?

I could blame my parents, my health, my kids, life in general, but the truth is, I’m scared. I’m scared of failing. I’m scared that if I do my best and it’s not good enough then I have nothing left. I’m scared that if I show you who I am and you don’t like me then I have nothing left to give. I’m scared that if I say no and focus on myself occasionally that I will end up alone. But what I’m even more scared of is that if I do my best I might be wonderful, I might do something great, I might be an inspiration to others, I might actually achieve all my dreams.

I spent so many years believing that I was a failure, that I never measured up, that it was always my fault, that my kids are who they are in spite of me not because of me, that no matter how hard I tried it was never enough. I know where this stems from, I know it’s not true, so why do I continue to fall prey to these outdated beliefs?

Because I choose to.

Because it is safer to stay in my comfort zone than to change.

I have had this conversation with myself far too many times over the years and while I accept that I have come to realise my mistakes a little sooner these days, I still make them.

Today I am grateful

For hindsight
For perseverance
For acceptance
For stubborn bloody-minded determination

I am grateful for the journey I am on; the lessons learnt, the lessons I am learning and the ones still to come.
Today I choose to work with the belief that it is not what you achieve in life that matters, it is what you overcome.

Blessed Be xxoo

Day 42 Tuesday 3rd June

Sarah
This is a big shout out of gratitude for my beautiful sister Sarah. With seven years between us and me leaving home early, we weren’t very close as children and even though I loved you dearly, as I’m sure you did me, it wasn’t until we were adults that we formed a bond of the kind I’d wished we had always had.
These days I can’t imagine not having you in my life; not only do I love you more than I could ever have imagined loving someone, I need you; something I rarely admit to anyone. You have stood by me through thick and thin, (often when I don’t deserve it), you have been my devil’s advocate, my confidant, my words of wisdom, my shoulder to cry on, my best friend to laugh with me and at me.
Nothing can ever bring back the years we lost as children but I want you to know that the relationship we have as adults’ means more to me than I can possible describe in words. I love you little sis; you are and always have been, the wind beneath my wings xxoo

Day 43 Wednesday 4th June

Today I am grateful that the semester is finally over, my last assignment has been handed in and my exam isn’t till the 17th so I’m planning to sleep for the next 24 hours at least lol. Then I’ll work on exam prep

Day 44 Thursday 5th June 

Sometimes I need to remind myself of this. Today I am grateful for the energy that supports me, chastises me, shakes me up, brings me down to earth, inspires me, strengthens me and loves me

Day 45 Friday 6th June
Today I am grateful I got my bum out of bed early and went to the gym before Uni. I don’t know why I don’t go more often because I always feel so much better after a workout. Feeling pumped and looking forward to doing exam prep lol. Think all these endorphins have addled my brain

Day 46 Saturday 7th June

When I saw this photo I smiled but was sad all at the same time. Personally I think horses/unicorns are very beautiful and sexy but I understand what the author was saying. Whoever made this photo is right. Curves are very sexy and it saddens me that so many people only see one side of the picture. It is only the media that has led us to believe that you have to be slim to be sexy. If you are big you are ugly! What a crock of shit!!!!! I have swung between sizes for years and it took me a long time to be able to look in the mirror and love my body regardless of my size. So today my shout out of gratitude is for all the beautiful, curvy, sexy people in my life and for the people who look beyond the constraints of the media to see the truth. We are all beautiful and sexy and we all deserve to be loved for who we are. If every tree was a silver birch the forest would be a boring place. I love my oaks and can’t imagine life without them.

Day 47 Sunday 8th June 
Hard Conversations…

Break me
Upend my universe
Open me up to pain
Make me cry

Hard conversations…

Make me nervous
Scare me
Leave me without words
Are avoided

Hard Conversations…

Teach me to surrender fear
Open me up to love
Heal the past
Direct the future

Hard Conversations…Are hard.

© Annie Whitehead 2014

Great Spirit, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Today I am grateful for love, for pain, for hard conversations

Day 48 Monday 9th June
Thank you for holding me at my weakest moment.

 Day 49 Tuesday 10th June

Grateful that I still have one week to study for my exam
Grateful that in one week it will be over and I can sleep
Grateful for all the people who have tolerated me this semester
Grateful for all my lovely cohorts at Uni who have let me debrief when everything gets on top of me
Grateful for my wonderful kids who pick up the slack at home when I’m too tired, especially Abby who is doing year 12 and is just as tired as I am xx
Grateful for my friends outside of Uni and my family who love and support me no matter how much I screw up xx
And grateful for Lama and Angus who consistently give me so much love and affection, who welcome me home with big hugs, who miss me when I’m away and always let me know how much and who never care if I’m grumpy or tired or sad. They’re not my babies, lama is Abby’s dog and Angus is Beth’s cat but they love their grandma and I’m very grateful xx

Day 50 Wednesday 11th June

I posted this the other day, but thought it was worth a mention here. Sometimes I think we hold on to our ‘glasses of water’ as if our life depended on it, and occasionally it does. But most of the time we forget that we can put the glass down for a while. We can even empty it and refill it at another time or we can just chuck the glass out and grab a coke instead
Feeling grateful for this reminder to occasionally put my glass of water down and give myself a break xx

Apparently,
A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the “half empty or half full” question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she enquired: “How heavy is this glass of water?”

Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralysed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.”

She continued, “The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralysed – incapable of doing anything.”

Remember to put the glass down.

Author Unknown

Day 51 Thursday 12th June

Grateful that I am learning to un-become everything I’m not

Day 52 Friday 13th June

With every moment in life we have a choice.
We can choose to react in a negative way or we can choose to live by the creed of ‘What would love do?’
Today I am grateful for those choices.
I choose love

Day 53 Saturday 14th June
http://www.utas.edu.au/equity-diversity/staff/diverse-sexuality-and-gender-identities/ally-network
Yesterday the University of Tasmania held a training session for people who wish to be known as Allies on the Uni campuses. Basically it means that you are willing to be known as someone who is supportive of diversity. Allies will be named on a register on the UTAS website so that people looking for a supportive colleague or student can look them up and know that this person is safe to be themselves with. We had a great training session, thank you to Alex from Working It Out but I’m even more grateful for the colleagues who attended the training session. I’ve known for a long time that the University, in particular Cradle Coast Campus, has an excellent attitude towards inclusion, but it was wonderful to actually hear some of these people share their thoughts, ask intelligent and sensitive questions and display a high level of understanding, support and care for those people who through no fault of their own, have to deal with gender or sexuality issues that often set them apart from the mainstream. Thank you everyone, for standing up, for accepting me, for being an Ally

Day 54 Sunday 15th June

Today I just wish to say I am grateful for everything and everyone in my life. So much to be thankful for xx

Day 55 Monday 16th June

All I can say is I am so grateful to be on semester break. Exam went ok I think. Exhausted, body gone into shutdown

Day 56 Tuesday 17th June

Today I am grateful that I got through the first 24 hours. Headaches, bit grumpy but otherwise ok.

Day 57 Wednesday 18th June

FEAR

False

Evidence

Appearing

Real

A friend at Uni told me this one day and today I was reminded once again of the truth in those four words.

Too often I find myself worrying about false evidence that appears real instead of staying focused on the truth right in front of me. Today I am grateful that I didn’t let fear stop me from reaching out, I am grateful that I focused on the truth in front of me and I am grateful for the blessing I received in doing so. Thank you xxoo

Day 58 Thursday 19th June

‘Be Weird. Be Random. Be Who You Are. Because You Never Know Who Would Love The Person You Hide.’ Author Unknown

Today I am grateful for me. I make no apologies for who I am.

Sometimes I am embarrassing, I say and do things that aren’t always socially acceptable, I don’t mean to embarrass you, I just sometimes forget to engage my brain before I open my mouth, that is a part of who I am.

Sometimes I dress in clothes that are weird, old-fashioned, different and sometimes just plain wrong. I am a creative person, I express myself visually, that is a part of who I am.

Sometimes I sit under the moon and listen to the earth. Sometimes I work with the elements, weaving the energy around me; because I can, that is a part of who I am.

Sometimes the Earth, spirits and loved ones, speak to me. Sometimes I talk back. I am not crazy, I am just engaged in a conversation you can’t hear, that is a part of who I am.

Sometimes I throw my power with so much force it scares me, I feel the strength in that energy and I know that I hold enormous responsibility for how I use it. I try to use my power wisely, sometimes I make mistakes, sometimes I hurt you, I don’t mean to, that is not who I am.

Sometimes I love, so deeply, so openly, that I get frightened. It happened with my children, and now and then it happens with another adult. I feel raw, vulnerable and scared. When I love you, I give you my heart and soul, it breaks my heart when you pull away from me. But I wouldn’t have it any other way because without love, we are nothing and love is who I am.

Today I am grateful for me

Day 59 Friday 20th June

Today I am grateful for love. Love that grows over the years and love that smacks you right in the face and knocks your socks off. I am grateful for conversations of the heart, the ones that bring us together, remind us why we keep going, help us to grow and understand each other. I am grateful for acceptance and trust and a willingness to listen; really listen, with a heart that is open and honest.

Today I am grateful for you

Day 60 Saturday 21st June

Spending a lovely winter solstice with my girl. Enough said

Day 61 Sunday 22nd June

Feeling grateful for a lovely weekend of hibernating but am thinking it wasn’t long enough, so next life I’m coming back as a bear.

22_June

Day 62 Monday 23rd June

I have had a wonderful evening with Jessica, Sam, Beth and Matthew tonight. Laughed so hard I cried and farted lol. Thanks guy, love you to bits xxoo

Day 63 Tuesday 24th June

Over the last 48hrs I have had many conversations with my adult children, ranging from hilarious shit-stirring to deep and meaningful. I am so grateful for the bonds we have developed over the years and hope and pray that they will continue to strengthen in years to come. Each one of you has brought something amazing into my life and I love you dearly. For those of you far away, I miss you dearly. For those close by, don’t be too quick to jump ship. Mumma bears’ apron strings seem to be getting shorter the older you get xxoo

Day 64 Wednesday 25th June

Grateful for lessons learnt and given. Love my life xxoo

Day 65 Thursday 26th June

Today I am grateful for the people who realise I am human. As to the others, well you know what you can do

Day 66 Friday 27th June

Quit Smoking: Take 3

So here I go again!!! First attempt lasted two days, second didn’t even last one. Hoping to get on top of it this time.

Grateful for second chances and third and ……

Day 67 Saturday 28th June

Grateful to have gotten through the first day xx

Day 68 Sunday 29th June

Grateful for a lovely weekend.

Time out with my girl was excellent, as always

Bowling with friends and family today was great fun and was finished off very nicely with a family dinner.

Feeling the luv xx

Day 69 Monday 30th June

Today I am grateful it is not yesterday or tomorrow. I am right where I need to be

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